Michelle Bachman was recently quoted saying she did not want to waste her precious republican time talking about such, and I quote, “frivolous things” such as Gay Marriage and Gay Rights.
Frivolous.
She is also seen on the current issue of Newsweek magazine in what appears to be a cross between an extra in the off-broadway production of “Hairspray” and one of those small dogs where both of their eyes is a lazy one. But, being someone who majored in appearances, I wanted to take some time to breakdown some of the more “subtle” frivolity happening in the picture.
If we may begin with the hair in the picture. The process of doing ones hair is not a minute process, and ladies, sometimes we are looking at 30 minutes to an hour, depending on the style and occasion. What Ms. Bachman has clearly chosen to oversee is the frivolity of hair styling, when compared to more pressed issues like the economy of the healthcare reform. And yet, at some point I’m sure, Shelly asked one of her obviously non-gay hairdresser to “add more volume!” or “give me JUST BEEN FUCKED hair.” The hairstylist agreed, and tossled that mop until it was camera ready, and republican approved. However, at no point during this process, did Shelly ever solve a “serious issue,” as she calls them. Frivolous? Let’s continue.
Having taken a page from the “power dressing in politics handbook” penned by our dear Hilary Cllinton, Shelly put on her best shoulder pads and paired it with what seems to be a very serious collared shirt. A stand collar, how very modern. You must be trying to appeal to a larger audience, no? The stylish masses? Either way, there was a conversation that happened something along the lines of “let’s do this jacket with a blouse perhaps? I want to look like a lesbian comedienne.” She was then advised by another non gay staff member. No one told her she was “fierece” and no one told her to “work” anything. And yet, there was a whole conversation about “this blouse” or “this jacket.” Still no serious issues. But you do care about what you look like, right?
Next, accessories! For most women, this can really be the icing on top of a fabulous cake. So let’s see how she did, yes? The earrings match the necklace, and it is all very conservative and nice. But I highly doubt that Ms. Bachman sent her non-gay assistant to “CLAIRES” to buy some jewelry for “that stupid magazine thing.” You know they are real pearls, they look it. And she can afford it with all the “we are curing gay people” money. You want to solve the economy crisis? Rip those fucking earrings from your head and sell them to Washington. Take that necklace and help a company from going under and keep a few jobs.
Do you see where I am going with this? Frivolous? There is NOTHING wrong with doing your hair, or enjoying fashion or accessorizing. Trust me, there was a whole two day workshop at Gay Orientation that surrounded such topics. But don’t start to tell me that things like human rights or marriage are frivolous topics. If you truly believed that, you would have had your picture taken in your bathrobe and last night’s “tea party sleep-over” make-up. But there are frivolous things you obviously give a BIG DAMN about, Shelly.
Do not offend me again with such hateful remarks. Because trust me, for all the good you think you are doing, there are a million people looking at you as just a silly woman; with too much time and shitty hair.
